“Now and then I let it go, I ride the waves I can’t control
I’m learnin’ how to build a better boat”
One day this summer I was driving home, I don’t remember exactly where I had been. And this song came on the radio. A new song from Kenny Chesney.
I’m definitely a country music person, but lately I haven’t been a huge fan of his. But, I left the radio on. And then I almost pulled to the side of the road because I had tears streaming down my face almost instantly.
It’s a beautiful song. Written about recovering from a hurricane.
But did it ever apply to my life this summer.
This summer when I started doing yoga every day. This summer when I called my friends and talked for hours, working through the hard times. This summer when I started to find myself again. Figuring out where I needed to be. This summer when I was in more pain than I ever had been before.
“I breathe in, I breathe out
Got friends to call who let me talk about
What ain’t workin’, what’s still hurtin’
All the things I feel like cussin’ out”
This summer that I spent learning how to build myself back up. How to float again. How to accept all those things that I couldn’t do anything about.
I still get teary when I hear this song. Mostly because I’m still rebuilding. Still dealing with the consequences of what has changed in my life over these last few months. I’m still learning how to deal with anxiety and the stress I feel when I’m not in control. When things are changing and there’s nothing I can do.
This summer I felt uncertain. I was scared. I was lost. I didn’t really know what I was doing and some days it felt like the things I was doing for myself, from yoga and meditation to eating better weren’t making a difference. I didn’t know much of anything. But, it was about learning and growing. And then, when the next storm hits, when the waves start crashing… I’ll have a better boat.
“Now and then I let it go
Ride the waves I can’t control
If it’s working I don’t know
When I get done the thing may not float
But I’m learning how to build a better boat”