I learned a lot this summer. I learned how to be alone (more on that in a future post), I learned what self-care means to me, and I learned what truly makes me happy.
All of this was spurred on by some major life changes, that turned my world upside down, and threw out my plans for my future. After many days of tears, lying in bed not wanting to get up, and just not wanting to exist. I realized that I was making myself miserable.
I noticed that getting up and eating breakfast made me feel good. So I did that every day. Even on the hard days.
Then I realized that doing yoga every morning after breakfast made me feel even better. So I did that. Whenever I missed a day, I felt it. So, even on the days I wanted to stay in bed, I would get up, eat breakfast and do yoga. Some days I did this and still went back to bed. Some days there were still tears. But other days, there weren’t.
I found a seat sale, and jumped on a plane to New York. I had never been before, but the thought of traveling alone made me happy. So, I did it.
Don’t get me wrong. All of this was hard. Terrifying even. But, at the end of the day, it all made me happy.
The entire week I was in New York I just did my own thing. Walking around the city aimlessly made me happy. So, that’s exactly what I did. Having a bagel from the shop down the street made me happy, so guess where I went each morning?
Upon returning home, I continued this. Choosing to do things that would make my day better.
I rediscovered my love of music. All kinds of music. I re-listened to old songs I hadn’t heard in years, and I found songs that I never thought I would like. Learning about new genres that I never thought I would like.
I started reading again. I had forgotten how much I love books.
I went out and took pictures. Finally getting my camera back out after months of leaving it at home.
I learned that I could be alone and be okay. And that I could do way more than I ever thought I could.
I also became more self-aware. Suddenly realizing that I like to control everything in my life. And, slowly, I’m starting to learn to let go.
I discovered all of this, because of one decision. I decided that if something didn’t make me happy, I didn’t need it in my life.
Even in the darkest days, the hardest moments, I’ve learned to find the good. To find whatever it is that will make me happiest.
And it has made all the difference. I not longer depend on others to bring me joy. I’m alone. I’m okay. And I’m happy.
Actually, I just woke up one day and decided that I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Or ever again. So I changed. Just like that.